The healing.

My wound ached.

So circling around, a quiet dance, we became one.

The ache remained.

So I drank to numb it.

But it came back.

So I bought new clothes to hide it.

But it came back.

I ate bags of chips to satiate it.

But it came back.

I took sleeping pills to forget about it.

But it came back.

I binge-watched show after show to erase it.

But it came back.

I tried to bandage it myself day after day after day after day.

But it came back.

I worried.

But it came back.

I tried to ignore it.

But it came back.

I got angry and blamed my husband.

But it came back.

I yelled and screamed at anyone who came near me.

But it came back.

I read page after page of book after book with solutions.

But it came back.

So I finally relented in my pain

knowing it would come back.

So I held it

as it came back.

I accepted it as a permanent part of my flesh

and the ache came back though softer.

I owned it.

and it came back whispering in the lonely night.

I relented.

and my wound became my peace.

I prayed and finally gave up

and it grew lighter.

I was grateful.

and I moved on.

The Bathroom

It’s moments like this that I’ll miss the most
When she comes to my bathroom just to put her makeup on while I put on mine.

Side by side.

She plays her music and sings.
And I listen.
And I watch.

The songs have changed.
Little girl now beautiful woman.
Little hands grown now steady sure.

She’s ready to go.
And I’m not ready to let go.

The days the discourse died

We’ve retreated to our corners, digging our heels into our opinions.

We ready our scripts for a fight

to prove we are right.

We seek approval and justification of our side solely from those who read the very same lines.

These are the golden awards we receive; having the most people who agree with us surrounding us.

Congratulations.

We hold pep rallies and rejoice in our common mind.

We rest in the comfort of being surrounded by an army of people who won’t question.

We must be right because that guy with the YouTube channel says so. We share it and feel the ego boost because of that guy.

We dismiss any questions.

We mock any disagreement.

We label any conflict as negative or uneducated.

We ready for battle to squelch discussion.

We shrink with bitter wounds because of what someone interjected.

We slaughter the opposition by plugging our ears and throwing words of mud to label them.

We are weak

because we won’t listen.

We are weakened

because battle-lines shatter community.

And we lose our footing as we fear the challenge of opposing thought. So we conveniently vilify views.

Our arguments cemented- only practiced to slay the opponent- fall flat at our avoidance of the stretching of our minds. Our opinions are meant to be heard not challenged. Our minds are meant to be made up.

Learning is shunned because of our rightness.

Transformation and unity are words of ages gone by. They are the dead religions of the past. Communication is only fruitful when everyone at the table agrees.

These are the days the discourse died.

And He Hears.

And I cry.

and try to convince myself that I am not alone.
Yet, I listen to the voice pull me further from my home.

I see my reflection and wish a shattered mirror.
I listen to my failures and focus on my error.

I try to hear Him in the wind and the rain;
turn my aching ear to hear His voice again.

I sing the songs, and I know the steps.
I’ve heard the sermons, my boxes are all checked.

But I’m empty and I hear no calming voice
I cover my ears to shut out my noise.

And He hears.

I heard your prayers. I see your tears.
You’ve never once danced alone.
I walked those paths, felt the rocky soil
of that place that you call home.

I’ve been alone, without a friend,
not one to heal my wounds.
I felt the sting of goodbye, the ache of hate,
the glares from across the room.

But, the only difference between you and I,
that piece that blinds your scope,
is the empty tomb I left behind;
the assurance of your eternal hope.

I hold those hands you lift in prayer
while I hold the sky above.
I’m in the wind and storms you feel.
I’m the ever present love.

You’ll never fit within that space.
That world is not your home.
My gift for you is on the path of grace
My Spirit won’t leave you alone.

I ache to show you your home above,
a home meant just for you.
I left this place of perfect love
to offer everyone another view.

I took on pain and guilt,
and carried all the shame.
My heart breaks alongside yours
as I think of every name.

But, I know it hurts.
and I know you’re tired.
I see you try and try.
I won’t walk away, won’t give up, won’t ever say goodbye.

So, lift your head to see the end.
Find your joy along the path.
Pain will come along your way,
but there’s purpose in each task.

I’m with you on your journey.
I’m with you on this road.
I’m in the dance you dance each day,
and I lighten every load.

Your journey doesn’t end there.
Focus on what’s to come.
Your journey ends right here with me,
where the sun never met a horizon.

I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will heal you. ~2 Kings 20:5

the Choice.

it’s your choice.

the path, you complain, is hard
too rocky, steep to climb

the path, you see, is winding
yet, you miss all the signs

you’re lost inside your whining
lost within your head

you only see the struggle
the sick, the mess, the dead

you miss the joy around you
you miss the laughter shared

you miss the hope above you
trapped within your snare

the choice to see the blessing
the choice to see the good

is lost within complaining
is lost within what “could”

but life is never easy
it’s a matter of our view

life will bring the darkness
light comes from within you

it’s your choice.

the last run.

Caryn Blanchard Blog

e41a152e18df4fdea70ade3b8b78e9b7 When I close my eyes
after all final goodbyes
i’ll eagerly expect my new view.

I’ll open my eyes
and quickly arise
dismiss all that’s behind and run to you.

You’ll open your arms
erase all that brought harm
then greet me in a land of clear skies.

I’ll at last see your face
as we celebrate grace
and recall all adventures gone by

You’ll introduce me to friends
the day will ne’er end
as eternity bursts forth from short life.

I’ll rejoice in a reward
that i never earned
and clutch hands with a friend who knew strife.

For all that was toil
the heartbreaks of poor soil
matters never again when i run to you.

When all wrong in me is gone.
and we sing a new song
As my final run embraces your truth.

-CB

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Ripples

I stood beside a quiet lake with the Lord.
I asked Him what purpose my life holds.
He smiled at me and looked down.
He chose a stone and threw it into the middle of the lake.

The circles started small.
They grew.
They multiplied.
Until the waves kissed the shore at every edge.

“I see, Lord.” I replied.
“You want me to be the lake and feed the forest around me.”
“You want me to nurture any living being I can.”
“You want me to supply every need to this forest of trees.”

He responded with a simple shake of his head and smiled.
“No, child. I want you to be the rock.
Your life is but a vapor, a small moment in time.
You are the rock, but your life will create waves of change.”

How He Came.

baby-jesus-sleeping Through the labor cry of a teenage girl, this is how He came.
Tiny babe, red fingers curled, this is how He came.

In stillness of a lonely night, this is how He came.
Under only candlelight, this is how He came.

No throne, no royal story, this is how He came.
No nursemaid, no earthly glory, this is how He came.

Angelic choir, shepherds’ joy, this is how He came.
God Creator, fragile boy, this is how He came.

How He came!
How He came!
Let the whole earth see how He came!

History changer, heart transformer, this is how He came.
Dismissing wealthy and political charmers, this is how He came.

Kings question his royalty, this is how He came?
Pharisees question His deity, this is how He came?

Wise men sought the Story, this IS how He came!
Faithful men see Him in glory, this is how He came.

Knight without armor, His word a sword, this is how He came.
Humble status but still The LORD, this is how He came.

How He came!
How He came!
Let the whole earth see how He came!

Today

I have gay friends whom I love.
I have family who voted for Trump.
I have family who voted for Hillary.
I have pro-life friends and pro-choice friends.
I have atheist family and Christian family.
I have Muslim and Buddhist friends.
I have Hispanic loved ones, some who are undocumented members of this society with American children.
I have friends of all colors and some who dye their hair green.
I have military men and women in my family.
I have pacifists in my family.

Today. Today I feel torn in half.

I feel and see pain everywhere.
I read words that should never be written.
I see sights that I’ll hide from my children.
I hear good people saying hate-filled things.
in their rage,
in their mourning,
in their triumph,
in their pride.

Today. Today feels like my parents are divorcing and I must choose sides.

And I won’t. Because I love you all.

At any given moment some of you would hate me, it would seem, because of my associations. Hate me for not choosing a side. Hate me because I’m a believer. Hate me for having certain friends. Hate me for not picking a team.

And I won’t. Because I love you all.

As always, the only side I stand on is love. The only theme of my life that I want to wear is love. The only association, the only fraternity, the only pledge, the only offering I have is to love. Love you all.

Today if you are emboldened to hate. You have already lost the battle.

Today if you are paralyzed by fear and hopelessness, you are turning your back on the great provider and His plan.

Today if you are sad, I understand.
Today if you are rejoicing, I get it.

Please don’t forget. Your actions today, your words today, impact tomorrow. And there will be a tomorrow.

Don’t let today wound tomorrow.

Let love be in your words even in your pain. Let love be in your actions… always.

Let your love today start the process of healing.

The Woman in the Mirror

mirror A middle-aged woman stood in front of her mirror one evening before bed. She was saddened by her reflection and thought back to her younger days. Suddenly, in the mirror she could see her Lord standing behind her, yet when she turned around she could not see him. They began to talk. Looking at her reflection she sighed and said,

“I’m getting wrinkles, Lord.”
He replied, “You are growing in wisdom.”

“I’m so tired.”
“In me you will find rest.”

“I’m not as pretty as I once was.”
“To me, you are my perfect work of art. You are special and one of a kind.”

“I’ve gained weight.”
“I’ve always provided.”

“I lost my job today.”
“I won’t stop providing.”

“People confuse me, and I’ve lost a lot of friendships over the years.”
“I’ll never leave you. My commitment is unending.”

“I’m not sure my children even love me.”
“I’m not sure my children love me either. I love you.”

“I’m scared sometimes when I’m alone.”
“You are never alone. I’m here.”

“You are good, Lord.”
“Thanks, for saying so.”

With that, the woman smiled at her reflection, took a deep breath, and went to bed.

-CB

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